This would be a long longggg post, I've to pour my sorrows before I explode..

The words you said, would definitely be carved right in my mind and in my heart. You know what you said to me and you know what you have done previously.

If this is what I deserve for being your girlfriend, and you think that this is definitely what I'm worth of, I'd opt to be just a friend to you. You mentioned about my attitude, mentioned about my "da-xiao-jie" temper. But have you ever thought? I've changed alot since the first day we were together.

Putting all these aside, I still can't imagine that you would have said all that within a night, wouldn't have thought that those words would have came out right from your mouth. So that's what you've been thinking all along, ain't you?

Looking at the photos we've taken, reminiscing our past, I've thought about it the whole night just after you left the room in a fit. Slowly, the whole surrounding was so quiet and there weren't any sounds heard, except my hard weeping. Being soft-hearted, we always got together no matter what hard quarrels we've made and what so-and-so pacts we've brought up to each other.

Friends and family always say, "aiyah, say break, later also patch back one lah!" Do not know why for this time, my heart solidified, no longer the soft-hearted lady I've used to be infront of you.

For all those times I've wept hardly, cried out loudly, you'd always be there trying to comfort me. I guess after these three years, you're just tired.. Tired of all the things I always do and tired of even looking at me.

I just want you to know, no matter how hard I'm on the outside, no matter how tough I've claimed myself to be, I know I'm just a soft tad inside me.

I could still remember how family and friends used to call me "iron-woman" when I accompanied you throughout your whole hospital stay. Seeing the nurses coming to fetch you to the operating theatre, my heart were all filled with questions. Why did god do this to you? Why didn't I put an immediate stop to you? Why did you have to suffer all these? While they pushed you through the lobbies, through the lifts, I didn't dare to look at you. I was afraid I might break down and cry. After they pushed you in, I broke down into tears. Only then I realised that I want to spend my whole life time with you, want to be there when you're sad, be there when you're happy. Looking at the vulnerable you after coming out from the operating theatre, I shivered. I couldn't stop myself from tearing again.

After the operation, nurses adviced you to not take any other thing, including water. Shortly after, you woke up, had some plain water and was well again. You asked for watermelon juice and I hurriedly went to get it. I could still remember the smile on your face when you bring it down your throat. After some time, you vomitted them all out and that gave me a real shock! I blamed myself for being that stupid, blamed myself for making you feel sick.

All these little actions I've done, I know that you had never realised it. You would have never known how deep my love is for you now. You would have never known how hurt I was when all those words came out from your mouth.

I guess this time, I've woken up. You've no longer need me in your life, no longer need me like how you've used to. I apologise for not refusing when you made your choice of me at that point in time.

Well, your words have made a strong impact in my heart, and similarly, to my mind. I would know what to do. Loves...